VOLUME: UP ISSUE #4
CONTINUED METEOR RAIN, ROACH EXODUS
An official warning has been issued by Wowtown
Hall that all citizens should be on alert and "keep your eyes to the skies"
due to the recent bombardement by smallish (so far) meteors that have been
re-decorating our gardens and texturizing certain unfortunate cars and
carriages throughout town. It may be that this is only the first
of several waves to be expected, according to our local practitioner of
the scientific ways, Dr. Frank Macabre. He states that although more
research needs to be done on the largest collected specimen so far (see
following story), the townsfolk should not be surprised to witness more
falling debris of "a possibly extraterrestrial nature" during the next
month or so.
In a related and somewhat more uplifting story,
the mass-exodus of cockroaches (of which we'd been seeing far too many
lately -ed.) from Wowtown continues, and it is not rare to see those of
the flying persuasion departing en-masse and in birdlike geometric formations
of an exhilarating variety. We've received a huge number of first
hand reports of this nature, most likely because all heads are up anyway
watching for the meteors. Asked for his scientific opinion on this
strange but most welcome phenomena, Dr. Macabre reports: "It's this
damned cold front". He adds: "I wouldn't recommend a trip to the
Florida Keys right now, it's gotta be Roach Central down there."
GROUNDHOG "AL CAMUS" PRESUMED DEAD
Tuba playing groundhog and beloved mascot
of Wowtown Al Camus is presumed dead after what apparently was a freak
accident on groundhog day. A small but faithful and well-bundled
crowd surrounded the hole where Al was expected to emerge as has been the
annual custom on this day for the past thirty five years. It was
a particularly suspenseful morning because the sun was only occasionally
beaming from behind a rapidly rolling phantasmagorical tapestry of purple
clouds. There was no telling whether Al would be frightened back into the
hole by his notoriously ugly shadow and bring a curse upon the townsfolk
as is the folklore here. But when the big moment finally arrived
reports are that Al's fuzzy head had only just emerged when he was engulfed
for just a second in a shadow too large to be his own, and then all you
could see was a one-foot diameter smoking meteor that seemed to have been
targeted directly at the hole, the impact sending tremors of mostly horror
and grief with scattered bursts of laughter throughout the crowd.
It was the largest of a growing number of meteors to hit Wowtown recently.
When The Wowtown News made inquiries about possible funeral services,
we were given this simple statement by town hall representative Tura Satana:
"What are we gonna do, bury him?!"
-Thomas Truax, February 2000
The Wowtown News is published sporadically and distributed
free of charge to local residents, distant relatives and friends and fans
of the band Like Wow.