VOLUME: UP ISSUE #6
THE BEE BONNET PLAGUE
"Aunt" Bee Bonnet, our beloved beekeeper, has
experienced some curious events lately at her modest cottage and bee farm
near my favorite midnight fishing spot up at Wowbegon Lake. Two weeks
ago she noticed some new "arrivals" in her rock garden, several dark ugly
rounded rocks that she initially assumed were elephant dung. "I heard
the elephant out there again last night", she stated. But her claim
was questionable, since the only elephant known to reside within atleast
a 300 mile radius is Peanut of the Wowtown Carnival, currently touring
the Northwest.
The Morning of their arrival Bee found
the new rocks "still smoldering and stinkin' to high heaven!" Alarmed
and disgusted, she called Mayor Easy's office to complain. A horsedrawn
"Quackmobile" from the LMMTC* was immediately dispatched, but
returned without Ms. Bonnet shortly thereafter. Our local practitioner
of the scientific ways, Dr. Frank Macabre was next rushed to the scene
after the boys from Loose Marble reported their findings. His conclusion:
"Yet more meteors, Damnit!" An argument between Bee and Wowtown
Hall ensued over whether or not Bee could rightfully retain possession
of the "rocks".
"The Lord reached down and placed these ornaments
into my rock garden, who dares to challenge the Great Decorator Himself?!"
she challenged. Being that there are so many meteors available for
study still remaining from the initial bombardment earlier this year, the
city along with Dr. Macabre eventually concurred. It was a decision
they were soon regretting, as within days these particular
meteors were bursting forth with a strange and beautiful unidentified flower.
Violet and bright, it emits a visible purple aura by day and glows like
an intense blacklight at night.
Initially "Aunt" Bee neglected her beekeeping
routine and could be witnessed sitting near the garden in her lawnchair
day and night, a pair of knitting needles making their repetitions slowly
in her hands, but her attention entirely transfixed as if she were hypnotized
by the glowing foliage.
In time some wild bees were drawn to the curious
nectar of the otherworldly flowers, like flys to a bug light, and it was
shortly thereafter that reports of sightings of mysteriously black and
PURPLE striped bees began to sweep the town.
If stung by one of these bees a person will
likely fall into a deep hallucinatory state that is almost always described
as intensely enjoyable. As word spreads, residents of Wowtown are
doing everything they can to try and get stung!
Although there have been no adverse side effects
yet reported, Dr. Macabre cautions that the long term effects of the bee
experience are unknown. Nonetheless, he admits to having "tried the
stuff myself, for scientific reasons of course." His reaction: "Getting
stung by one of these bees is one of the most wonderful experiences I've
ever had!"
Meanwhile, in a refreshing entrepreneurial
move, Bee Bonnet promises that a "special batch of the most beautiful honey
you've ever seen or tasted" will be available at Wowtown Market soon.
-T. Truax, September 2000
*Loose Marble Monitoring and Trauma Center
The Wowtown News is published sporadically and distributed
free of charge to local residents, distant relatives and friends and fans
of the band Like Wow.
Copyright 2000 Thomas Truax, all rights reserved.